Wrestling Wars
by shanis
Summary: Author has too much time on her hands and crosses wrestling with Star Wars
1. Wrestling Wars

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to everyone. But especially to my sister, who I wrote this fic for. May all your Christmases be bright. I love you, lirpa.  
  
Wrestling Wars Parts: (1/2) Rating: PG Author: shana Release Date: December 25, 2002. (Ingore this one, it's for me to keep track of them.)  
  
A.N. : *shana entered the world of spoofs, looks around and runs away.* What do you get when you cross wrestling and selected Star Wars chararcters and plot fragment? Why this fic of course. Sis, this is your chirstmas fic, so I hope it's worth it, and that you enjoy it. It's not in any order, in fact I've probably screwed that up, and it does not stictly follow the Star Wars story line excatly. Bear with me  
  
*Tatonie* (I know that this is spelled wrong. If you want it corrected contact me with the proper spelling.)  
  
Kane Skywalker watched as his Aunt Victoria and Uncle Steven were... killed. Even though they'd never seen eye to eye he was still sorry to see something like this happen to them, and he wasn't even sure why. Running off into the vast desert, Kane wondered what his life would be like now.  
  
Unforunately for Kane, he had no idea where he was going and he ended up in the piece of desert that a fierce band of sand people, known as the jobbers, had claimed. They'd fought long and hard for it, and were upset by Kane's invasion. Upon capturing him, they decided to sell him to the slave traders. Luckily for Kane, Tazz Kenobi stumbled onto the scene, having listened to the great power of the WWE Championship, and resued. Now, Tazz listened to the WWE championship, or the light side. His greatest enemy, Darth 'Taker, followed the way of the Heavyweight championship, or the dark side.  
  
Now, Tazz Kenobi being a wily and powerful old fighter was easily able to defeat the zealous jobbers. The jobbers fled to the desert that was both mother and father to them. hey, they were lacking in talent, not completely stupid.  
  
With the immediate threat gone, Tazz lead the bewildered Kane back to his modest dwelling. It was there that he began to impart the knowledge of the WWE championship to the grateful young man, Retreating to his private room Tazz sought the answers to his questions. And when he came back with a battered lightsaber.  
  
"This is the tool, and weapon, of those who battle the dark side," he announced solemly.  
  
Kane nodded, and thenasked, "This was my father's?"  
  
"No,' Tazz sighed. "It belonged ro your older brother. I took it from the man who killed him, in the hopes that one day you'd fight with it."  
  
"My older brother?"  
  
"Yes, your older brother. The Undertaker was a great force for our side. He was a glorious fighter, and no one could defeat him. But then something changed..." Tazz trailed off.  
  
"What?" Kane asked.  
  
"The dark Lord, Darth Bischoff, or the Emperor, sent his best, and most evil, minion, Darth 'Taker, on him, and it was one... challenage... that he couldn't overcome."  
  
"His name is so similiar to my brother's..." Kane wondered, thinking out loud.  
  
Tazz smiled sadly. "Darth Bischoff liked th irony."  
  
They sat in silence for a few minuted. "But, now, if I'm not mistaken we are needed. We, you, can defeat the dark side and resue the Princess."  
  
"The Princess?"  
  
"Princess Torrie. The dark side has her, and I alone are not strong enough to defeat them, but with you here now, we can not lose.  
  
Suddenly it clicked and Kane knew, somehow knew, that his was something that he ahd to do. "When do we start?"  
  
"Today!!! We'll go to Mos Esley and obtain a method of space travel. Come along, we have to hurry. Time is of the essence."  
  
And so they went.  
  
The reache Mos esley, and a seedy bar, with only a little trouble from Raw forces. And a few small tricks of the light side dealt with those. The man they hired to fly the to the homeplanet of the Princess was a brash man named Billy Solo. From the planet Wilson they planned to sneek into the Empiral jail and resue the Princess.  
  
The ship, named the Shooting Star Press, took off from the floor of the dusty planet, and at an incredible speed flew to were the planet wilson should have been. Unforunately, when the came out of light speed, the planet Wilson was not present, and some Raw troops bent on causing them trouble were. The major problem was the Princess' planet was no longer were it should be, and they had no were else to look. And, of course, that Darth 'Taker's flag ship was sucking the much smaller ship into their huge docking bays.  
  
Tazz seemed to take all of it in stride, but the same could not be said about Billy, who was freaking out. Tazz, calmly assigned everyone their tasks. The entered the ship, and while avoiding Raw troops, Kane and Billy inadvertently ended up resuing the Princess/  
  
"We need to get you out of here, Princess!!!" Kane pleaded with the stubborn beauty.  
  
"Just who the hell are you?" she paused for a moment. "And where do you mean to take me?"  
  
"People that Tazz Kenobi sent to help you, and hopefully out of here."  
  
"Tazz is here?"  
  
"YES!!!! And if you don't come with us then you'll never get out of here and you'll never get to see him. So, come one, let's go!!!" Billy snapped, obviously annoyed but Torrie attitude.  
  
They all hurried back through the twisting coridoors of the ship, keeping Torrie in between them, and acting like they were taking her somewhere. When they were just about back to the ship, they saw Tazz Kenobi fall to a man cloaked in black.  
  
"Come on!!!" Billy screamed, tugging at the Princess, and through her Kane. "We gotta get out of here."  
  
The three of them ran to the ship and scrambled aboard. None of them looking back, scared to see the imposing man in black.  
  
"Who was that?" Kane asked.  
  
"Darth 'Taker," the Princess sobbed, "and he killed Tazz."  
  
"Yeah, we all got that part your highness." Billy said snidely.  
  
"Stop that." Kane order. "We all have to work together to get through this. We've, also got to get his body out of there before they do something awful to it. We have to get what's left of Tazz away from that monster."  
  
"Gotta keep the living alive." Billy snarled. "We ain't going back. Bodies ain't important, memories are, and you both still got those."  
  
'He's right." Torrie agreed in a strong clear voice.  
  
Meeting up with Princess Torrie's remaining people, and other who stood against the Empire, those in the indies, also know as the "Rebels," because they were rebelling against the Raw brand that controlled the galaxy. They continously moved around, but the dark side was creating a horrible new weapon, and they felt they had to stop it. In fact, the Princess had risked her life spying on the Emperor, and his goons, and had gotten a copy of the plans into rebel hands. Coming out of hiding was dangerous, but it was deemed necessary.  
  
Kane had volunteered to be part of the most dangerous part of the mission... destroying the Elimination Chamber. It was crazy, and possibly fatal, but Kane could do no less because the Dark Lords's minion had destroyed his brother, and his teacher and friend. he could do no less that thwart those same evil men.  
  
Siuting because he knew it was time, with out being told. Kane pulled on his ring attire, and the put of the helmet that would connect him to his on board computer. He, then, climbed into the cockpit of his fighter. It was time.  
  
The little fighters encountered stiff resistance on their way to this ultimate weapon. The Elimination Chamber would destroy anyone who didn't agree with the Dark Lords. It would enslave the universe. Kane thought, once again, that he couldn't allow the man who'd murdered his brother and his teacher have that kind of control, that kind of absolute power. So, that meant that he'd have to fight with the brave freedom fighters who were going to destroy the societal menace, instead of staying with Princess Torrie. He'd have to destroy it, and before it destroyed anyone else's home, and life, like it had done with Torrie's.  
  
The fighters flew through the Chamber's first line of defense, the fierce Crusierweights. Most of the rebel fighters made it past the fierce little cruisrerweights. The "Rebellion" had lost a few of their more careless members, but now they had reached the true battle.  
  
Kane heard, and saw, the battle around him. But, it was like background noise, his vision was focused on the ship, no, the fighter, that was destroying many of the "rebel" fighters. Especially those getting close to the Chamber's weak point. The pilot was killing his new friends. As he turned his fighter to cae the superb pilot, he heard Torrie's voice over the communication unit, "Kane?"  
  
"Yeah, Princess?" He responded.  
  
"Raven's down."  
  
"That means that someone else has to destroy the chamber correct?"  
  
"Yes, and it has to be you. You're the only one with the skills to do it."  
  
"Alright. Get someone else to become a distraction. Keep them off of me for as long as you can."  
  
Kane's fighter almost seems tp pivot in mid air and head towards the door to the Elimination Chamber. The door whcih was the whole Elimination Chamber's one weakness. The door that was being heavily, and discreetly, guarded. Kane flew straight towards the door, and a moment later his onboard computer, and droid, informed him he's picked up a tail. A quick look over his shoulder confirmed that it was the pilot that he'd been planning to attck. "Distraction my ass," he murmured to himself.  
  
"Get him off of my tail!!!"  
  
"Alright, keep your suit on. We'll do our best Skywalker."  
  
The "rebel fighters" moved to force the mysterious fighter off of Kane's tail. Unforunately, the mystery pilot was more than a match for the few who tired, and would not be shaken.  
  
Cursing queitly, again, Kane hurriedly accuired target lock on the tiny door. While praying the pilot hadn't accquired one on him. He fired, and the missile was on course, but then something happened, and the missile flew just the littlest bit wild, and missed. Kane couldn't help cursing eloquently out loud.  
  
Then, suddenly, he heard Tazz's voice, "Use the WWE Championship. The light is always stronger than the dark. It takes only one beam of light to dispell the dark."  
  
Kane knew he ahd nothing to lose, so he folded back the target finder thingie, and concentrated. And, instantly, he was filled with power. Si\miling he touched the launch button, and luanched his last missile. Pivoting in the air, again, he raced away from the exploding Elimination Chamber. He had done it!!!! The farm kid from Tatoonie,(how is this spelled?), had destroyed the dark side's most potent weapon. He'd destroyed the Elimination Chamber.  
  
The "rebel" forces were in high spirits, and the celebration was well under way. It would probably last all night and well into the next morning. Kane stood off to the side, not totally able to join in, caught in the past as he was. There was too much history that he had yet to deal with. Too much that he had yet to put to rest in the past, where it belonged.  
  
Torrie wandered over to talk to him. "Aren't you happy, Kane?" She asked quietly, so that no one else could hear.  
  
"Nothing, Princess. I'm just thinking, and remembering, and sorting some stuff out in my head."  
  
"Maybe you're thinking too much," she teased, and pulled him into the celebration.  
  
One his flagship, Darth 'Taker, sped tpwards another planet, far from the rebel celebration. it was time to put his plan into action. even if Darth Bischoff, his master. didn't think it would work. At this point in time it didn't really matter, they had no other choice. Darth 'Taker watched as the minions raced around him. It was a schoking contrast to the rebellion's celebration.  
  
Time passes...  
  
Kane smiled to himself. He'd just successfully completed a complicated training exercise flawlessly. He was feeling more prepared to face Darth 'Taker, as he knew that some day he would have to. The WWE Championship told him that, but ti didn't tell him when, just as it told him that he must seek... someone in a far away part of the galaxy. Following the feeling, almost a complusion, he got into his fighter and took off. The rebellion could survive without him.  
  
The feeling took Kane to a swampy looking planet. Touching down he found a fairly pretty young woman, whose hair looked like something had died in it.  
  
"Who are you?" Kane asked uncertainly, as he hurried away from his sinking fighter. Damn it, it was too bad he hadn't know what he was setting his fighter down on, because he's set it down in a bog, and now he was stranded.  
  
"No, stranded you are not," she intoned. "It is a simple matter. Lift the ship must you."  
  
"I can't."  
  
"You can. Believee in yourself you must. Now, try you must."  
  
Kane struggled uselessly for a handful of moments before giving up.  
  
"Think you do not. Believe in the Championship you do not. Foolish you are." The stout lady preceded to lift Kane's fighter from the bog, and make it look easy. Just to show him that it was possible.  
  
"Learn from me you must. Know you do not. Begin we will. Now it will be."  
  
And so they began, and so he learned. And as he learned, he came to respect his teacher. She called herself Stephanie McMahon, but he had nicknamed her Yoda. She was less than pleased with the name. Finall there came a dau when Kane felt another complusion. He could feel that Princess Torrie was in danger, He never should have left. For days he went through bouts of self recrimination before coming to a decision.  
  
"Fear not, child. FEar leads to the Heavyweight Championship."  
  
"I can't help it Yoda!!"  
  
"Fine the Princess is."  
  
"She's in danger. I can feel it!!!!!"  
  
"Maybe. But you, young one, the danger to you is much greater."  
  
"I know all these things, all that you have taught me. Now, I can deafeat the Dark side. I have faith in myself and the WWE Championship."  
  
"Little have you learned young one. Too confident are you. Killed you will be. Much have you to learn. Stay you must. Foolish you are being. A trap this is."  
  
"I don't care." With that Kane turned his back on his teacher and rushed to his starfighter.  
  
Yoda shook her head. The young one's impatience was going to destroy all of it. It was going to get them all killed. But if this was the will of the WWE Championship, she would accept it with dignity. She had lived for a long time anyway.  
  
Kane powered up his fighter, and blasted off the isolated planet. He wasn't quite sure where he was going, but he knew that Princess Torrie was in danger. And he knew that he had to help her. The WWe Championship would guide him to the Princess. So, kane followed the nagging feeling in his gut, and arrived at a strange city. The city was wreathed in clouds. He'd heard of this place, it was Bespin, the fabled cloud city.  
  
Sneeking out of his fighter, kane saw far too many of the dark side's minions. They were mid carders and cruiserweights. On their own each one of then wasn't too much of a threat, but together, together, they were lethal. Kane sighed. Maybe Yoda had been right, and this was a trap. But, that didn't change the fact that Torrie was in danger and it was his job to save her.  
  
Kane was halfway to the heart of the city when he was stopped by an ordinary mid carder. The man, a Shame Helms, by his name tag, was just doing his job. He probably didn't even know who he was stopping.  
  
"Take me to the prisonners and Darth 'Taker," he commanded, using the power of his champioship. Shane Helms just queitly told him to come with him. That he had to check in with the authorities, that this was just normal procedure. Now, if Kane would please come with him. Only too happy to obey, Kane followed the young man. Several other mid carders joined them and escorted Kane to the building his friends were in. Slipping away from them he quickly located Torrie, Billy, and a friend of Billy's named Rey Mysterio. Releasing them he told them to get to the ship and out of this dark strong hold. Semi-happily, partly wanting to stay and help Kane fight, they coplied and Kane provided a distration.  
  
Howeverm providig a distraction turned out to be bad news for Kane. It took several moments for several mid carders to take Kane into their custody. And, it took themseveral more moments them to subdue him. It had taken several more mid carders to march Kane down the twisting and narrow corridors. This made progress very slow.  
  
After several agaonozing moments Kane wondered if they were just taking him somewhere quiet, and out of the way. to kill him. But, that wasn't what they were doing,. The large room was filled with machines, and one imposing figure, Darth 'Taker.  
  
"Ahh, young Skywalker. So good of you to join me. I see the Princess has escaped me. Oh well, it will be easy enough to recapture her."  
  
"I won't allow it!"  
  
"You can't stop it."  
  
"Yes, I can." Pushing the mid carders away, Kane withdrew his carefully hidden lightsaber. Kane ignited the lightsaber and held it in attack postion. 'Taker laughed and copied Kane.  
  
The battle was furious with Kane doinf most of the attackibg, But none of his attacks seemed to phase the dark one. It took 'Taker a few minutes, but eventually he knocked the lightsaber from Kane's hand. Using the WWE Championship Kane callde it back to him, and resoubled his attacks, and 'Taker soon knocked it from Kane's hand yet again. It's a pity that he cleaved the hand off the wrist as well.  
  
"You bastard, " Kane hissed, through the pain, starinf at Darth 'Taker with hatred. "You killed my brother, and now you're going to kill me."  
  
"So, that's the lie that Tazz told you."  
  
"It's no lie!!!"  
  
"Yes, it is. I know this because I am you brother. Deep in your heart you know this is true. don't fight it, give into the Dark."  
  
"Never," Kane ground out as he threw himself off the ledge of the duct.  
  
"Stupid child," Darth 'Taker called out. "The fall will kill you."  
  
"It'll be better to be dead, then to be your brother."  
  
To be Continued... 


	2. Wrestling Wars Conclusion

Wrestling Wars Part: (2/2) Rating: PG Author: shana Warnings: This is a spoof, for more warnings see part 1. Release Date: February 7, 2003  
  
In a galaxy far, far away, and in a time long, long ago... the first part of this story occurred.  
  
~Flashback~  
  
"I'd rather die then be your brother."  
  
~End Flashback~  
  
Kane came to, and found himself laying on a medical bench, in Billy's ship, the Shooting Star, with Princess Torrie leaning over him. "Get back," he croaked.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm not sure what Darth 'Taker did to me."  
  
"He cut off your hand, and you feel out of a duct in the city. With Rey's help, Rey's a Billy's friend from Bespin, we were able to attached a mechanical hand to your wrist."  
  
"I remembered pain, but I wasn't sure what he'd done to my hand, thanks, Princess. Where are we going?"  
  
"Back to the Rebellion."  
  
"I can't go with you, I have to go back to Yoda."  
  
And so Kane recovered for a few hours before racing down to the shuttle bay and piloting another X-wing to the swampy planet that his training had begun on, that his teacher, and friend, called home.  
  
"Yoda," he called, setting down in a safe place, but he received no answer. "Stephanie?" He tried again, and again he received no answer.  
  
After a few more unsuccessful vocal attempts Kane began to scan with the WWE Championship. He quickly found his teacher, leaning back against a tree, and breathing in gasps.  
  
"Yoda!" He screamed distressed to see her in such a state.  
  
"My child, I take it that your meeting with you brother did not go as you had planned."  
  
"You knew!"  
  
"Knew? Yes, know did I. Tell you I did not. Ready to know you were not."  
  
"So, I'm going to be like him."  
  
"No child. You will be yourself. You have a powerful force inside you, a force of good, let that force guide you."  
  
"Of course I will. What's wrong?"  
  
"End my time here does. Remember about the force inside you, teach others you must. Teach others you will." She fell silent, and her breath wheezed out, her last breath.  
  
"Yoda?" Kane shook her tiny frame. "NO!!!" His scream pierced the heavens, and anguish tore at his soul.  
  
Burying the woman who had been his teacher, and friend, he rose. There was nothing for him here. He had to return to the rebellion; he had to fight the spread of his brother's evil.  
  
Upon reaching the rebellion's new base, he was informed that Darth Bischoff was building another Elimination Chamber. They had to be stopped.  
  
The Rebellion had gathered its best fighters into two groups. One group, containing Billy, and Torrie, would go down to the planet's surface and destroy the power source for the project. A second group, lead my Billy's friend, Rey, would provide a distraction, and destroy the helpless, half built Elimination Chamber. Both were suicide missions, but Kane choose to go with his friends, something inside him was telling him that his brother would be there.  
  
At first Kane could not believe that such a beautiful planet could harbor such a destructive force, but appearances were deceiving. Avoiding the Cruiserweights and Midcarders was tricky. Not because they were great at stopping, or finding, the invaders, but there were so many of them. There were the occasional run in, which the rebels were easily victorious in. After all, the darkness didn't choose their minions for intelligence.  
  
It was the natives of the planet, a race of teddy-bear like people called Ewoks, that gave the rebels some problems.  
  
Billy looked at me, "Do you understand what they're saying?"  
  
"Not a clue, but we should try to get away. We still have to cut the power to the Elimination Chamber."  
  
Billy nodded, "You go, I'll provide a distraction, and keep the Princess safe. We'll catch up with you soon."  
  
Kane nodded, and fought free of his little captors, as Billy created a huge fuss by fighting with them.  
  
It took Kane an hour to work his way back to the power station, which was now heavily guarded against attacks. Hiding in the Forrest, Kane watched, and for a while everything seemed hopeless. It seemed like an eternity before Billy tapped him on the shoulder and whispered, "I brought re- inforcements."  
  
Kane nodded, and suddenly felt that he couldn't go with them to do this, that his destiny lay somewhere else inside the small outpost. The brave little Ewoks proved invaluable in getting into the outpost, their guerilla warfare tactics were overwhelming successful.  
  
Kane smiled as he felt that Billy and Torrie had succeed in their most important task.  
  
"Brother..." he could hear Darth 'Taker's whispery voice, "come with me."  
  
"Of course, lead the way... brother."  
  
"The Emperor will be pleased with your decision."  
  
"I haven't decided anything... yet. But I do know that somewhere in you there is still some good in you, I just have to find it."  
  
"You dream, brother. There is no good in me, I am a creature of the dark."  
  
"No, you have good in you. I know it." "You know nothing about me. Now, come with me, the Emperor is not a patient person."  
  
"Evil never is."  
  
"You are too young to understand, and your mind has been poisoned by the Jedi."  
  
The brothers boarded a shuttle, which took them to the half built Elimination Chamber, and to the very heart of the dreaded, and hated, Empire, the Dark Emperor Bischoff.  
  
"Welcome, child," the man under the cowled hood croaked, and then turned his attention to Darth 'Taker. "You have done well, my servant."  
  
"Thank you, master, " the Dark Lord intoned solemnly.  
  
"Now, Kane," said the Emperor, once again turning his attention to the Jedi, "you will join your brother and I on the dark side."  
  
"I will not."  
  
"You will join or you will perish."  
  
"I will not."  
  
Bischoff levered himself from his chair, his robes flowing around him. "You will join us."  
  
Kane stood tall, not willing to allow the dark Emperor to cause him to cower.  
  
As if sensing Kane's unwillingness to bend, Bischoff hissed. "Then you will die." Then, in a great display of power, lightening flashed from Bischoff's fingertips and contacted Kane's body.  
  
Kane dropped to his knees, his body his unable to cope with the pain, and Bischoff cackled gleefully, and began to chant, "You will die," over and over agin, as if it were a mantra.  
  
Kane slowly gather his energy, and focused himself, and made himself stand.  
  
"I will not die, not by your hand, and not today."  
  
Kane managed to stand for a few moments as he called his light saber to him. Igniting it he swung at the Emperor.  
  
Futilely, of course, because the Emperor just flicked a wrist and deflected the blow,. The saber was knocked from Kane's hand , and a blow that knocked him back to his knees delivered. Kane teetered on the edge of a vent, and suddenly the menacing presence above him vanished.  
  
Kane opened his eyes, not realizing that he'd closed them, and saw his older brother hoisting the Dark Emperor over his head. And, then, he tossed the incarnate of evil into the vent.  
  
"Get me out of this thing, brother," he croaked.  
  
"We need to get out of here. My friend will destroy it soon." Kane informed him.  
  
Darth 'Taker started to tug off his black outfit. "I have to get it off."  
  
Sighing, Kane began to assist his brother in the removal of his cape.  
  
'We have to get to the shuttles, 'Taker. We have to go now."  
  
"I know... brother."  
  
The two men struggled to the shuttle bay. As they staggered forward 'Takers breathing got harsher, and quicker, but shallower.  
  
They reached the shuttle bay, and 'Taker pushed Kane toward the shuttle.  
  
"You have to go!"  
  
"Not with out you."  
  
"You have to go. I'm not going to make it."  
  
"Yes, you are."  
  
"I want to thank you, brother."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For believing in me, even when I didn't." With his last breath 'Taker whispered, "Go now, and live." And then he drew no more breaths into the fierce body that had been both good and evil.  
  
"NO!!" Kane screamed. but no matter what the young warrior did, his brother was still gone.  
  
Pulling the body onto the shuttle, Kane used all his considerable piloting skill ti get safely away to the nearby planet, as he flew he watched the half built Elimination Chamber explode.  
  
Touching down, he built a pyre for his brother's body, and sent it back to the WWE Championship. It was watching the flames that his friends found him.  
  
"Kane?" Torrie inquired.  
  
"He was my brother... and he gave his life for mine."  
  
'then we will remember him with honour as the man he once was, and was again for a short time this day."  
  
"Yes. Now, tell me, what's going on with you and Billy?"  
  
"We're getting married."  
  
"I'm glad for you, cousin. I'm glad."  
  
The End 


End file.
